Ask for advice, not feedback
- Zoe Lim
- Jul 5, 2021
- 2 min read
Feedback, as the word suggests, is a noun related to past events that no one has control over. Therefore, to ask for feedback would require the person giving the feedback to recall what went wrong. And we all know too well how unpleasant and painful it can be to dig up the past. Innocent feedback-related questions such as "How did it go?" or "What do you think about the event?" may actually be the least productive thing to do. Not only would it discourage the listener, it also leaves the listener burdened with the opinion of others and few actionable steps. This makes it hard to focus on what can be improved and thus negatively impacts performance. Feedback causes participants to dwell on spilled milk.
On the other hand, I especially like that asking for advice encourages us to put on a growth mindset instead. As the conversation is centered around the possibilities and potential, therein lies the life-giving hope in becoming better with every try. The giving of and listening to advice forces participants to think critically and share actionable steps. Research from the Harvard Business Schools shows that advice-givers provided 56% more ways to improve in general. Read more in this article.
Here are 4 ways to get the best advice.
Specific: It starts with your intent. Which specific area are you trying to improve on? You need to first be clear about the help you are looking for before approaching advice-givers.
Show them the way: By using questions such as "Could you give me a few tips to improve my presentation?", it will be easier for the advice-giver to give you the advice you are seeking.
Ask the right person: Depending on the context of the advice, your closest friend or colleague may not be the best person to ask. Also avoid asking for advice from too many people. Not only would that be overwhelming, you may become confused and ignore it altogether.
Give the advice-giver a little nudge: Not everyone is comfortable giving advice, especially if they may not know you well. If someone compliments you on the work done, perhaps you could give a little nudge by asking them to share exactly what you did well in.
Asking for advice brings about hope and imagining the endless possibilities. This quote sums it well.
"They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for." - Tom Bodett
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